Dear Alfred E. Neuman,
Please sit down. I bring bad news. Clyde died. COVID got ‘im. COVID killed Clyde.
As you may recall, Clyde was a racist, a philanderer, and a tax cheat. His other faults included lying, cheating workers, carelessness during pandemics, and narcissism.
By the grace of the almighty God, Clyde eventually forsook his hell-bent journey to perdition. After his conversion to Christ, Clyde served as an example of what God can do for a wretched soul. All over the world Clyde’s testimony brought sinners to Jesus. Clyde accompanied various evangelists including Rev. Billy Smores Graham Cracker and Rev. Hell-Fire Furness.
During a recent board meeting a member suggested you, Alfred, as a replacement for the late Clyde.
In this era of fear and uncertainty, your motto: What, me worry?, may be a calming blessing to many.
Alfred, you can Make America Grin Again. Before responding, please study www.ReprobateReplacments.org
John Smith, Chairman, Committee to Replace Clyde
Donald Turner retired to Angwin, CA. after 29 years of aerospace computer programming in California for the Navy at China Lake/Ridgecrest, for Northrop Grumman at El Segundo, & for Boeing at Huntington Beach. In retirement Donald keeps busy with writing, gardening, exploring the internet, attempting stock market profit, mixing music with Bitwig, and making his two acres more fire resistant. He is divorced with two daughters and four grand-daughters.
After graduating in 1966 from Pacific Union College, Donald taught high-school math, physics and earth science at Fletcher, NC. from 1966-69, then math at PUC prep in 1969-70. He holds a Master of Arts degree in Physics from University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee and a Master of Science in Electrical Engineering from University of California, Davis. He represents his age in non-curvy digits.