Why We Improve Our Craft—A Humorous Look at Bad Writing

Writing is said to be “ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration” (Hemmingway) and here’s what you get if you DON’T sweat the small stuff:

In a public bathroom:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

News headlines:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

You have to love the internet and all the time folks waste culling out the bad, the stupid and the absurd to clog up their friends’ in boxes.

PROMPT:

Today, write a flash fiction, memoir or poem that includes elements of humor. Use correct punctuation, modifiers and complete sentences where they are appropriate. I might write about the time I tried to impress a handsome teacher from my Spanish language school in Mexico City over lunch. Mistakes made when you’re trying to speak a foreign language are always funny. Stupid decisions you make while driving and traveling, if not disastrous, can be funny. Absurd conundrums with bureaucrats can be funny, too. And if you can’t come up with an idea, think back to last Thanksgiving’s dinner. My family’s key words are FUNNY and ABSURD! Responders to prompts read first in class.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Why We Improve Our Craft—A Humorous Look at Bad Writing

  1. I can’t wait to read your responses!